Oh boy...or should I say oh girl....As all of us who know Kaelin, and love the funny things she says, I seriously cannot let my guard down. Luckily I have crafted techniques such as:
1. Be on the look out for anyone who might look the least bit odd in her reference.
2. Be ready to talk a lot louder than her so the innocent subject cannot hear what is being said about them.
3. Be quick and speedy with a hand to cover her mouth or remove her from the to be had "scene"
4. Fall back on a coughing attack.
5. Give a knowing look and grin...
Let's see...Today we seen quite a few friends and co workers that we have not seen since before Christmas. Everyone naturally asks her what she got for Christmas, in which she answers " a white Teddy Bear", this is the only things she asked for for Christmas and the only answer she gave leading up to Christmas when asked by family, friends, strangers, and Santa himself. So she is really liking this bear. She does have another answer, which is "a Man shoveling poop"...this answer requires me to go into a longer explanation of that it is a small figurine, she asked for it for her birthday when shoppping, I forgot, promised it for Christmas, she received it in her "Bear thing that hangs on the hook" her words (which also need explaining--Christmas Stocking). She was so happy to get that little guy and sharing her joy with others...yet, when we are in Jody's (local restaurant) it is not so easy for the Mom to get this story across to a 90+ year old lady who cannot hear so well, while we are in line ordering, and who wants to really hear about poop when you're trying to think of what you want for lunch. While sitting and eating lunch, I had to refer to tactic #1 & #2 (we are not discussing bathroom habits anymore)...when another very elderly couple is walking to their table, misjudges distance and turnability a bit and kind of leans on our table. Now I could see her scoping them out from the moment they started down the aisle and was all set for #2..as the lean was in process, so was a Kaelin scrunched up nose and big pointy finger---"is that lady OLLDD?" so I invented #6 which was shaking my head back and forth.. no,no,no...now I did then go into yes she is an older lady, why we ask Mom questions quietly...I can see her letting this sink in..I'm feeling good points going up on the Mom scale..."but why do they look so strange?...are they going to be dead?" ugh time to go...
So off we are to Meijers, which has been a point of a lot of drama and why why why can't I get this or this or this for the months leading up to Christmas. So today, she said right up front, "I know I am not getting a toy, I just got a lot of stuff for Christmas" AMEN! SCORE! So instead as we walked through she questioned me on everything from balloons to gum to vitamins asking if they were toys...all replied with her new favorite word when told no "dannggit..."...Many of our Meijer visit culminate in being in the check out aisle hot and tired and wanting things in the checkout aisle...I have to be on the super look out at this time, and I as I am typing this, realize that I scope out the cashiers to see who is the least likely to be asked some odd question or told someones thoughts about themselves! So checkout time sounded a little like this (all with checkout lane item fun):
Kaelin,"Can I get the puppies some treats?"
Mom, "No."
Kaelin, "dannggit..."
Kaelin, "Can I get some candy?"
Mom, "No."
Kaelin, "dannggit..."
Kaelin, "Can I get Sam some candy?"
Mom, "No."
Kaelin, "dannggit..."
Kaelin, "what are these?"
Mom, "Sport cards?"
Kaelin, "Aww I never had sport cards before, can I get some of those?"
Mom, "No."
Kaelin, "dannggit...I'm hot, can I ride the horse, can we get a movie, can we--?"
ok, I have really had enough..and although I realize it is nap time, this needs to stop- I let her know as much and am now paying attention to putting my own groceries up on the belt...and apparently letting my Kaelin radar down..
This little peerson, has her back to me and is squinting away giving the guy in line ahead of me the evil eye and taking her two fingers to her eyes and then pointing them out to him...real slow..and nodding her head "I got my eye on you"....he looks from her to me, like "really lady, what is wrong with you?" HA- lots! So with that Kaelinism update I am heading to my ex-husbands to have a sit down with our oldest to discuss her college career and pick up the puppies ( that I in no way asked for) to bring home for a week's stay, as for tomorrow they( ex- and kids) are leaving to go to Disneyland...that is no joke or the strangest thing this week for sure, but first, I will pick up a V8!
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